Bickmo's secret life. The secret? It's a secret.

I rode into town on a stringy old horse. Plopping down to get him some water, I noticed a sign. It read, "Yer kind ain't wanted here", and the sign underneath it said, "You. With the blue eyes and hat. Git."

So I gitted -- my .22 caliber rifle that is, and blew those signs straight to the Underworld. Taught 'em a lesson, I'd say.

And so begins the obligatory "About Me" section of the CoryBickmore.com website. Never fear -- I shan't compose it in perfunctory fashion. It boasts all the details: gory details, festering details, and rainbow lollipop details. You can't wait to read on.

I began life much like you - running towards the light. I am the eldest of three children, plus I have have an older brother and younger sister who are both only children. And yes, that is a factual sentence. My mother is a dedicated writer with four publications to her name, sharing authorship with one of my sisters on two. Me? I write humor columns. And you love them.

Mom raised us three in Fruita, Colorado. Does that make me a Fruiton? A Fruitite? The debate shuffles on. Fruita has it all: a small town atmosphere near a larger city and rural farmland, a Southern Utahesque national park complete with soaring red canyons and, nearby, the gorgeous Rocky Mountains of Rocky Mountains fame.

I attended Brigham Young University many, many times during my teens and twenties, graduating on occasion, accepting scholarships and artificial church callings while dodging the new campus construction project of the week.

In the eternal wife department, I had occasionally been nearly almost engaged, but I blamed my romantic failures on girls and Coco Puffs. I have loved several times, and have been loved several times beyond that. Hooray for me, I guess. Oh, and I hate pink.

*NOTE TO BICKMO'S FAN HORDE: I'm married now!. Her name is Mandi; we smooched over the altar May 1, 2008. Her last name shall remain confidential to maintain her safety. Wipe your tears, ladies.

Quick Facts

• is the eldest of the Mad Rats.
• can breathe out his right eye socket.
• still knows by heart a midly bawdy song about a rooster after hearing it only once when 11 years old.
• adores pine trees.
• appreciates pulchritude.
• is the coolest nerd you know (or wish you knew).
• writes about himself in third person (this also is nerdy).

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